self worth

today started out as one of those days when you wake up and feel unstoppable.  the world is at your fingertips.  that is until you look in the mirror.

as a woman and maybe because I've just turned 30 in april, when i look in the mirror and see my own reflection looking back sadness starts to fill me.  when I think of where i was fifteen years ago and how far i've come i can't help but feel sad knowing all the time that has already passed, and at the same time feeling as if i have so much farther to go.

i'm slowly starting to realize something about myself, that i am my own worst saboteur when it comes to anything in relation to my life.  my weight, my business, my family...i look at what other people have and what they say and that age old saying (with a twist) "the grass is greener on the other side" comes to mind.  the truth in fact is that it is not, and i know this but it's so easy to take what you already have for granted and want more.

when i started weight watchers i believed i was doing it for myself.  thinking back on that now even though i only lost fifteen pounds since i joined which is a huge deal to me, i can't justify counting points for the rest of my life and weighing in every week.  it doesn't feel like i'm doing it for myself anymore.  it feels like more of a chore and i have to continue to lose the weight to have everyone else accept me, otherwise i feel like i'm letting them down and wasn't this something i was supposed to be doing for myself anyway?  why?  why can't we be happy with who we are?  why do we always try to change for other people and meet their expectations while we put our needs and wants on the back burner?
i read something very interesting today which made me cry if truth be told. Life Lessons... it's refreshing to know that even someone as beautiful and talented as Janine Sept can feel the way i do.  to rephrase, why do we as women let the value of our worth be measured by someone else?  why are we so scared to believe enough in ourselves to trust that we are beautiful and smart and funny and talented and so much more?

after i read her post it was like an epiphany hit me. and then i got mad...at myself for allowing the careless words others throw around about me to affect me and have such a huge impact on my life.  and at the world for setting such high standards for beauty and happiness and what it means to be successful.  to heck with it all!

i am beautiful!  i am talented, and not just at one thing but at many things!  i can sing, i can draw, i can act!
i am a good friend and an excellent photographer!  i am an amazing mother to my son and a damn good wife to my husband!  i am a good daughter and sister and someday i'll be an amazing grandmother!

i don't need haters in my life telling me i suck and rolling their eyes at me.  or people telling me if i was thinner i'd achieve a lot more.  to all you haters i say f@$% y%&!  i am so much better than you because i finally see you for what you really are, sad and miserable and only feel good by putting others down.

i am so much better off without you because i believe in myself!

thank you Janine for your amazing insightfulness and for opening my eyes for the first time to my own value!

"Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance" ~ Bruce Barton